Hermitude.

Lately, I have been going deeper and deeper into hermit mode with a side helping of attitude. Maybe it is a seasonal thing. I go to sleep thinking about my dream house - the tiny cabin with a sleeping loft in the woods with only the sound of my daughter sleeping and the nearby river. I am drawn to the simplicity. My dream life would be spent in a hammock with a book, growing our own food, leisurely preparing meals, making art with Avery. There is NO REASON why I need a house in the woods to do all of that RIGHT NOW... then I realize that I do all of that. We read. We have a garden. I cook all of our meals from scratch. Ave makes endlessly creative things. But all of these things happen with me on the hamster wheel, going going going. My dream life in the woods doesn't involve alarms and to do lists and a tight feeling in my chest. It does have me in yoga clothes radiating zen and bliss to my family. 


So hermitude. I don't know if it is fatigue initiated but it is where I am at. I want to be isolated. I want to just be. I read a blog post a while back about signs that you might need to take a break. Each one absolutely described my state of being at the time. I figured I should ask Avery directly what she thought. "Ave - Do you think Mommy is too busy?" I didn't expect such a vehement "YES!!!!" It was a real wake up call. In the past couple weeks or so I have been making a real effort to tackle less in each day, one day at a time. I have been putting far fewer to do items on the kitchen chalkboard. I have reminded myself every day that a Yes to someone else is a No to Avery, Ralph or myself. 


So as everyone else is cramming their calendars full of holiday this and holiday that (other than work/gym/ski trails), you will most likely find me hanging out with Avery... cooking, reading, creating, breathing... appreciating the season of hermitude.